


I'd be Lying If I Told You I'm Fine

by The_Depressed_Huffle_Puffle



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depressed Lance (Voltron), Lance and Keith's relationship in this is so pure, M/M, Mutual Pinning, Pinning Keith (Voltron), Pinning Lance (Voltron), Quintessence draining aliens, Set preseason 1/ during season 2, Slow Burn, Tags will be added as we go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:59:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15645054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Depressed_Huffle_Puffle/pseuds/The_Depressed_Huffle_Puffle
Summary: There's an Altean tale of a planet of hostiles who can manipulate quintessence created to keep Altean children from acting out. Everyone knew the tale, child or not. The tale of how the monsters would sneak into the houses of misbehaving children and cut up their body, letting their quintessence flow out of their bodies. How they'd bottle the quintessence to sell. Stories of "relatives" who had come into contact with the aliens were filled with horror.Stories of how brave soldiers would come home beaten and broken, the light in their eyes misplaced and no longer there. How they would eventually succumb to the call of death by their own hands. It was enough to scare any Altean into behaving.He found it strange when the team was called by a planet whose inhabitants went by the same name. Their beady eyes followed him everywhere, seeming to take note of everything Lance did. The unease since landing on Ma' Krav grew with every passing minute and maybe if he'd voiced his concern he wouldn't be sitting in the castle, his heart heavy and his face an emotionless void as everyone scurried to find something to save him.orLance's paladin capabilities are stolen from him.





	1. I'd Like to Be Proud (But Somehow I'm Ashamed)

 

_Sweet little baby in a world full of pain_  
_I gotta be honest, I don't know if I could take it_  
_Everybody's talkin' but what's anybody saying?_  
_Mama said if I really want it, then I can change it, yeah_

_-R.I.P 2 My Youth_

_The Neighbourhood_

 

* * *

 

When Lance first discovered the observatory in the castle, he was shocked. He remembered looking at the stars through all of the windows. Lance was used to the observatories at home, large buildings with telescopes and an open roof to peer at the sky.

The Alteans had something else in mind when it came to viewing the stars. The floor was made of a dark blue granite-like rock. In the middle was a circle made of glass that allowed you to see the space below the castle. The walls were black with silver finishing with pictures depicting the discovery of planets and Altean fairy tales. In the walls were large windows with window seats pushed against them.

Lance rested his chin on his knee, continuing to look at the stars outside. He counted them, named their colors, and imagined if there was life on any of them.

_"And the blue lion-"_

Lance regrets cutting Allura off. Without knowing the qualities of the blue paladin, Lance wasn't convinced that it should be him. There were people out there who would be far more valuable to the team than he is. People who could fight both close and far combat, who can take things more serious, who are more willing to join the team.

He dragged a finger along one of the inscriptions in the wall, tracing the carving lightly. He studied every dip and curve, how each crevice added depth and perception into the picture. Hairline cracks covered the surface, aging the images with a feat only time could achieve. He'd struggled to understand the depiction.

The image showed a foreign creature with its hands out, palms towards a person on what seemed to be a table. A substance was flowing out of their mouth, their back arched up in inexorable pain. The humanoid figure subjected to the ritual must have been Altean, the marks on their skin identical to the one's Allura and Coran bore.

Lance scratched at an uneven corner, peeling back paint and metal. The piece chipped off, breaking into Lance's palm. The thin metal in Lance's hand dug into his skin as he balled his fists. He stared at his white knuckles and the veins appearing on the back of his hand.

"Lance?"

The boy looked up at the mention of his name, unfurling his hand to drop the item he was holding. Lance flinched at the sound of the metal hitting the ground before reaching down to pick it back up.

"Sorry for frightening you," Coran apologized. The older Altean stood in the doorway, a hand resting on the frame. He gestured to the space beside Lance, "May I join you?"

Lance nodded, moving over to make room on the seat for Coran.

Despite the room Lance had made, Coran kept standing, hovering next to the paladin. He kept a straight face, eyes gazing over the carvings. "Taken an interest in these?"

"Yeah," Lance answered. He leaned back against the wall, settling himself down. He was resting on the corner where the glass and the wall met. His legs bent with his arms in his lap. He looked at Coran and then to the wall opposite of him. "I don't know what's happening but I'm guessing that it's not a nice story."

Coran chuckled, a short, light-hearted laugh that reminded Lance of his grandfather when he'd hear one of Lance's ridiculous tales. "No, quite opposite of happy really. Mind if I tell it? It's quite a story."

Lance pointed to the empty space in front of him. "Would I have said anything if I did?"

Coran sat down, sitting criss-cross on the padding of the window seat. "It's an old Altean tale, quite possibly the oldest. I can remember telling the story to Allura when she was little. She was so strong, telling everyone that she could defeat even the Ma' Kravera."

Lance snorted. "She still is."

Coran nodded. "Yes, she is. While other children would quiet when told 'Stop misbehaving before the Ma' Kavera come for you' the Princess would only call for someone to bring a weapon of a sort and prepare." Coran recalled to when someone actually handed a 6-year-old Allura a knife when she requested one.

He remembered how Alfor had reacted to seeing his daughter wielding a weapon at such a young age. Coran laughed at Alfor's distress when confronted at knifepoint by his daughter; the complete confusion and betrayal that he faced was too much for him to digest.

"Anyhow, the Ma' Kavera came from a planet named 'Te' lentiel'. They were what we called 'Mani'pals', people who manipulated quintessence for sinister ways."

"But can't Altean's manipulate quintessence?" Lance questioned. He watched as Coran nodded his head.

"That's correct. Altean's can manipulate quintessence to an extent. Tap into it and use it to operate certain mechanisms." Coran explained.

"Like how Allura uses the castle?" Lance asked. He turned the metal chip in his hand over; fiddling with it as Coran shifted.

"Precisely. The Ma' Kavera, however, could use it to a much farther extent. They were able to completely drain the quintessence from an Altean. They would drain their victims of quintessence until there was nothing left. They would send the body back to Altea. A lifeless figure who could only sit and stare; a shell of who they once were, driven to the edge by a lack of emotion and control."

Lance flinched, his hand coming up to play with his hair. The idea of losing all hope and sanity to the point of suicide left a foul taste in his mouth. He could sympathize with the victims.

A lifetime of emptiness?

The idea itself sounded horrible and to live that out was a feat Lance never wanted to be a part of. Being severed from your life with no way out but death...Lance wouldn't want to live either.

Lance wanted to ask more. How the victims were lured, how the process went in more detail, if Coran knew anyone who suffered from the hands of the Ma' Kravera before being Lance reminded himself that this was all a child's tale. A story made to scare Altean children into behaving.

"And you told this to children?" Lance opted for instead. He would never be able to understand Alteans, and it was likely that the Alteans would never understand Humans.

Coran cocked his head to the side. "Do Humans not tell stories like these to their youth?" He would think that Humans had some kind of folklore of the sort. Something to keep children in line.

Lance thought back to the boogeyman and the demon in the water who would drown him if he went swimming after dark. "Point taken."

Coran smiled. "I suppose each planet has their tales."

Urban legends came to Lance's mind and he flinched. "Yeah."

The two of them sat in silence for a while, none of them counting the time but instead enjoying the company the other brought.

"We should get going," Lance said, noting the dimness of the castle lights. "Tomorrow's training is probably going to be brutal."

Coran laughed. "Should you expect any less from Number two?"

Lance shrugged. "I guess not." Lance sucked in a breath, stretching up. He exhaled at the crack his back let out and yawned.

"Night!" Lance bid, turning to walk down the halls toward the paladin's chambers.

"Goodnight," Coran responded dutifully. "Thank you, by the way." Lance looked at Coran, his head leaning to the side. Coran, sensing the younger's confusion, continued, "For listening to me about Altea. I... I know I can get carried away at times but I truly do appreciate it."

Lance smiled. Coran's stories never failed to cheer Lance up. When the castle got quiet or when he was having a particularly bad day he would always seek out Coran, knowing the Altean had a story that could cheer him up and replace the quiet with laughter and light-hearted banter.

Lance recalled back to Arus when the paladin's first got together. Despite the tears in Lance's eyes and the heavy heart begging to return back to his family, Coran had comforted Lance, sympathizing with him on the loss of family. He never compared his pain to Lance's, never saying that his problems were nothing because what happened to Lance paled in comparison to Coran's pain.

Instead, Coran had validated Lance, giving him hope of seeing his family again. He had talked to Lance about Altea and Lance would share things about Earth. Since then the two had created a balance. When one was homesick, they would find the other and talk until the feeling of hopelessness passed.

"It's no problem." Lance grinned. "Goodnight, Coran." He stuffed his hands his pockets after pulling up his hood. The castle was always cold on the night cycle, the chill seeping into his skeleton.

Coran returned the smile. "Goodnight, Lance." He watched the paladin round the corner, Lance figure disappearing as he walked away.

It hurt Coran to watch him. Lance had grown so much is the months that he was here. He had to watch as children fought on the front lines of a war they had no part in until now. He tended to their wounds that he couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for. This was what he had feared would happen and here he is, living his fear.

Everyone had come close to death at some point but Coran had to admire their determination. Even when all hope seemed lost, they would keep fighting, fists swinging until their final breath.

To Coran, the paladin's were his family and as long as they were still fighting, he would too.

-

Lance was wrong about a lot of things but he was completely right about Shiro's training being absolute torture.

"Lance, your left!"

Lance dodged the incoming attack, forward diving to the right before shooting at the bot hovering above him.

His counterattack did little damage - the blast connecting to its shoulder, shoving the droid back by a few inches. Lance rolled, avoiding the training bot's stick. He scrambled to his feet, just barely getting out of the bot's reach.

Lance fell to the floor as the bot swept under his legs. The impact knocked the air out of Lance, leaving a heaving mess. Pain flooded Lance's mind as he screamed out, his shoulder protesting greatly against his position on the floor. Already injured, Lance prepared himself for the final blow to the stomach.

The bot reached up, staff in both hands. Just as Lance was ready to accept defeat a sword ripped through the stomach of the droid.

The robot flickered before collapsing into itself. The sword pulled away from where it was embedded in the metal. The training bot fell onto the floor, the tile opening up and swallowing it so that it could send the destroyed droid to the repair level just beneath.

"Thanks, Keith." Lance's chest rose and fell unevenly as he attempted to catch his breath. The Red Paladin nodded in response.

Keith reached out for Lance, the other gladly accepting the help. Lance groaned as he was pulled up, his body sore and tired.

Lance rubbed his shoulder, flinching when he pressed on the injured area. "Why my shoulder?"

Keith chuckled, stepping away from Lance. "At least it wasn't your face." Keith paused for a moment, looking over Lance. "Actually, you know what. It probably could have fixed a lot of things."

Lance scratched at his cheek. "Haha. Very funny." Lance stuck his tongue out to which Keith only smirked. Lance pouted, scowling at Keith's amused grin. He ignored the Red Paladin, opting to turn to the others. "Are we done?"

"We're gonna run the sequence one more time, then we'll be finished," Shiro answered.

Lance groaned, collapsing on the ground once more, holding in a yelp as pressure was applied to the injury. Hunk poked Lance with his foot, trying to edge him back up.

Shiro pulled Pidge onto her feet, dusting off her shoulders. PIdge batted at Shiro, claiming to be fine. Shiro raised an eyebrow as Pidge attempted to walk, her leg giving up after a few steps.

"Um." Pidge shrunk into herself, "Maybe I need a little help."

Shiro took one of her arms wrapping them around his shoulders. "I'm taking Pidge to the infirmary. Anyone else unable to walk?"

"I've fallen and I can't get up," Lance responded. He lifted his hand up in a meek attempt to reach up. Then dropped his hand after a couple seconds, the limb hitting the floor with a small thud.

Shiro sighed, rubbing his scar with his free hand. "Anyone who feels like they're on the brink of death?"

At the silence, Shiro took his cue to leave. He steadied Pidge, guiding her to the med bay.

"Wait, so does this mean that training is over?"

Lance looked at Hunk who asked the question and shrugged. "I guess? Keith, can we leave?"

Keith glared at Lance, "Why are you asking me?" He crossed his arms and leaned on the wall.

Raising his hands in mock surrender. Lance shrugged. "Just thought you'd know. You're Shiro's right hand."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we're telepathically connected or whatever!" Keith threw up his arms. He pushed himself off the wall, shoving his shoulder against Lance's as he exited the training room.

Lance rubbed his arm where Keith had collided with him.

Lance was worried, to say the least. Keith was reverting back to when they first came out into space, staying in the background, sitting away from everyone, even going to the point where he would walk out of the room if everyone was present. Keith was starting to retreat from everyone and it left a sour taste in Lance's mouth.

It had taken ages to get Keith out of his shell, to teach him that no one was going to abandon him. Lance had personally taken the time to talk to Keith, giving him a shoulder to lean on when Keith was having it rough.

-

Lance took a deep breath, staring up at the door in front of him. He reached up, forming a tight fist before hitting his knuckles gently on the smooth metal. Lance could hear the occupant shuffling, a brief "Give me a second" allowing Lance to regain control of his erratic pulse.

"Lance?" The door opened, revealing the Red Paladin. Keith leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms as he rested his head against the hard metal. "What do you want?"

Lance hesitated, what  _exactly_  was he here for? He could have just minded his own business but he couldn't help but feel concerned whenever the shorter would snap at small things or skip out on activities with the team that wasn't related to Voltron.

"Can I come in?" Lance gestured behind Keith. Going to Keith's room was a stretch in the first place, Lance being uncertain if Keith would even answer the door. Now he was asking to enter his room.

Keith raised an eyebrow, straightening his back. "Why?" Keith moved so that he was fully standing in front of Lance.

Folding his arms, Lance looked down. "I...wanted to ask you something and I think it'd be more comfortable in your room." Lance rubbed the back of his neck.

Keith was silent, drawing Lance's attention up to him. Lance shifted under Keith's gaze, uncomfortable under the judging eyes of the other.

"Look, if you're busy I can-"

"Come in." Keith jerked his head back, stepping aside to let Lance in.

Lance stepped in, nodding his head in thanks. He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do when he was inside. Was he gonna do this standing or was he going to do this sitting or-

"You can sit on the bed if you want." Keith closed the door, the blue hallway lights disappearing leaving the room dark save for the blue lights emanating from along his bed. The lights glowed enough so that Lance could see Keith's figure as he approached and took a seat opposite of him.

Lance noted the darkness of the room, guilt traveling up his neck. "Were you sleeping?"

To Lance's relief, Keith shook his head, "No. I don't sleep until later. The lights went off an hour ago so it's probably around 11."

That...that didn't help at all. Lance didn't mean to come so late. He must've stayed in his room for longer than he had thought.

"Sorry, if you were doing something. I didn't mean to interrupt or anything." Lance looked up from his hands, looking at Keith. "I'm just... Are you okay?"

Keith leaned back against the wall, away from Lance who was sitting on the edge of his bed. "I'm fine." Keith crossed his arms, glaring at Lance.

Lance furrowed his brow, his teeth pulling and biting his lower lip. "Look, Keith. We're teammates now. I get that you're afraid and all but-"

"I'm not afraid!" Keith bit, leaning forward until he was face to face with Lance. He gazed into Lance's wide eyes, hyper-aware of the hand pressed against his chest. Keith pulled back the hand wrapped around Lance's collar as if he was licked by a flame. "I- I'm sorry. I-"

Lance kept his hand on Keith's chest, feeling the other's heartbeat. Each pulse was quick and hard as if someone had injected Keith with adrenaline. Lance pulled back his hand, only to place it on Keith's hand, the one that was gripping his collar not seconds before. "It's fine. You didn't mean to."

Keith was speechless. He'd almost punched Lance and yet here the Blue Paladin was, trying to calm him down.

"Listen. No one's judging you for being afraid." Lance held out a hand, silencing Keith before he could reject the accusation. "Everyone is. Hunk's scared out of his mind. Pidge is terrified because her family is out here and she has no idea if they're alive or not. Coran and Allura woke up to find that their home, all of their people, had been destroyed. Decimated. Shiro's been captured for a year, escaped back to Earth for maybe a day? And was thrown back into space.

"You'd have to be fearless, not even so, to not be at least the slightest bit scared out of your mind. Keith, we're all scared, and that's okay because we all have each other to help get through it and that includes you. No more hiding or staying in the shadows. You're a part of this team now. We're not going to judge you for feeling scared or nervous or whatever because we all are and we'd be the biggest hypocrites in all of space if we did." Lance tightened his grip on Keith's hand., "You don't have to hide from us, Keith."

Keith's mind short-circuited. All he had done in space was sever himself from the team, fearing rejection and judgment yet here was Lance, sticking out a hand for Keith to take to help him up after falling.

After all these years of pushing people away, even Keith couldn't refuse Lance's kindness.

Keith exhaled sharply, biting his lips to hold back to sob that was fighting to escape him.

"Come here, Buddy." Lance opened his arms, allowing Keith to collapse into him. Keith sobbed into Lance's shirt, arms snaking their way around Lance's waist. He buried his face into Lance's chest, feeling slightly guilty for ruining Lance's shirt. "Shhh, it's okay." Lance wrapped his arms around Keith, encompassing him in a blanket of warmth. "It's okay."

Keith had opened up after that night, joining in on movie nights, going to people when he needed help. He learned to open up more, to trust the team as they trust him.

-

That had been months ago. Keith was doing so well so why was he withdrawing like that? Why was he shying away? Was something wrong? Did Lance-

"Lance!"

Lance snapped his head up, pain blossoming in his head due to the speed of the motion. Lance groaned, placing his head in his hands.

"You good there, Pal?" Hunk rested a hand on Lance's shoulders in an attempt to steady the smaller one.

Lance smiled and nodded. "Yeah, just moved too quick." Lance rubbed at his shoulder, the pain still there but much duller than before. Maybe he could ask Coran to check it to see if anything was broken.

He must have been daydreaming for a while. The open area of the training room was no more, instead, the two were walking in the hallways in a direction to which Lance memorized was the way to the kitchen.

"You were kinda lost in thought there," Hunk pressed, he spoke softly, concern licking at his tone. "You alright?"

Lance laughed, nudging his good arm along Hunk's. "I'm fine, Hunk! Nothing bad about me... _spacing_  out."

Hunk groaned in annoyance. Lance didn't let that hurt him as much as it could have thanks to the small smile that played Hunk's lips. "Out of all of the jokes you could have used, you decided on  _'spacing_   _out'_." What are you? Ten?"

Lance shrugged, "I would say more towards 10 and a half but if you want to think that than go ahead."

"Oh my god." Hunk chuckled. "I'm going to feed you to Red one day." Hunk's hand fell from Lance's shoulder.

"Why Red?" Lance questioned, his head tilting to the side. He would personally rather be fed to Blue, her being his lion and all, or Black since...well... Black is Black.

Hunk shrugged, "He's Keith's lion. Keith's probably trained him to kill you or something. It'd be quicker and more efficient than having to convince one of the other lions to do it."

Lance nodded in agreement before pausing, way too much thought had gone into that. "Hunk?"

Hunk hummed in response, turning through the doorway into the kitchen.

"Did you plan that out already?" Lance hopped up onto the countertop beside the sink. He watched as Hunk pulled on his apron, gathering ingredients on his way over to where Lance was sat.

"No." Hunk responded absentmindedly, "I think I read it in Pidge's journal or something."

"Oh."

"Can you hand me that bowl?" Hunk pointed at a large mixing bowl a little out of Lance's arm's reach.

Lance nodded, sticking his arm out before he recoiled, cradling his shoulder. "Shit!"

Hunk rushed over to Lance, helping the Blue Paladin off of the counter and onto his feet. "You okay?" Hunk glanced over to where Lance's hand was. He pulled Lance's hand off of the injury, "Lemme see."

He pulled down Lance's shirt, revealing a large bruise that swelled beneath Hunk's hand. "You should go see Coran. Looks pretty bad. Might be a sprain or something."

"Aye aye, Captain." Lance saluted Hunk, careful not to further injure his left shoulder. Lance made his way out of the kitchen, waving goodbye to Hunk one last time before making his way to the infirmary.

-

"You've gotten yourself quite the sprain, my boy."

Lance hung his head, hearing the news he had been dreading. "Does this mean I have to go into the pods?" Ever since being locked in the pod after Sendak's crystal had poisoned the system, Lance had been hesitant about going into the pods. What if they froze him again? What if he went in and never came out? What if the pods lock him in and no one could get him out?

Coran sensed the discomfort, opting to pat the boy softly on his back. "It'll be better if you stayed out of the pod for a few days. Try to let it heal on its own for a little bit. Then we can put you in the pod for a few varga and you should be good as new!"

Lance smiled up at the Altean, relief evident in the way his shoulders, both good and bad, relaxed. "Thank you, Coran."

"Don't mention it." Coran smiled back, mustache raising as his lips curled. "I once sprained my wrist when I was a lad. Ah, I remember when I first visited the emergency room. There were so many people there that I had to wait for multiple varga to get a brace." Coran's eyes fogged over with a longing that Lance was used to seeing on the older Altean. "Those were the good ol' days."

Lance chuckled. "Seems like you used to get in a lot of trouble back then."

"Yeah." Coran couldn't help but laugh. "I did. Mother used to scold me for everything."

Lance stared at the ground. "Do you miss Altea, Coran?"

"Yes, almost as much as you miss your Earth," Coran answered. He reached behind Lance to grab a brace. "You'll need to wear this." Coran showed Lance the rolls of bandages in his arms. "I'll show you how to wrap it."

Lance watched as Coran made his way around him, pointing out small things to make it more comfortable when Lance wrapped himself up. Lance nodded every now and then to show that he was paying attention to what Coran was speaking.

"Once you do that, just cut off the excess, tuck this in and  _voila_!" Coran took a step back to look at Lance's newly wrapped arm, "You have yourself a protected sprain!"

"Thank you, Coran." Lance couldn't move his arm much but if he could then he would have given the Altean an award-worthy hug.

"No problem." Coran shrugged, batting a hand to swat aside Lance's praise. "I've done this multiple times for you paladins."

Lance smiled. a sheepish small grin that Coran was happy to see. "That's not necessarily a good thing, is it?"

Coran shook his head, dismay evident in his tone. "No, it's not." Coran straightened up, "Nonetheless! Now that you're all patched up, you should go get some rest. Elevate your shoulder and ask Hunk for some ice and try to sooth the swelling."

"Alright, thank you." Lance slid off of the Altean version of a gurney, careful not to hurt his arm in the action. "I'll be fine though. It's not that bad." He moved his shoulder a tad trying to prove his point as well as testing his range of motion. He hissed, putting a hand on his shoulder as if it would help.

Lance pursed his lips, glancing up at Coran through is eyelashes. "Okay, so maybe I'll go and lay down for a bit."

Coran bit back a laugh, settling on an amused smile before shaking his head and sending Lance to his room.

-

"The Ma' Kravera will be a great ally to the coalition." Allura droned on about the inhabitants of the planet they were visiting. She swiped her hand across the screen, enlarging it so that the rest of the team could see it. "They're quite powerful, to say the least. They've been fending off the Galra since the war began. They recently sent a message to us in hopes of joining the coalition. Their leader passed away recently, leaving them vulnerable and are asking for aid while they select a new leader." Allura turned to fully face the team. "We cannot pass up on this opportunity."

Shiro raised his hand, gaining Allura's attention. "Have you checked them out?" Shiro asked, "I mean, they've been defending themselves for over 10,000 years. Not that I'm judging them or anything but surely a small loss of power shouldn't weaken such a strong planet."

"I'm afraid it's not the loss of leadership but instead their 'passing of swords' so to speak." Allura pulled up a different slide, one with pictures of people who looked to be fighting against each other. "For the Ma' Kravera, top military personnel fight against one another to prove their worth to the throne. Whoever dominates the fight and forces their competition into submission is to be crowned their equivalent to a king."

Allura's powerpoint shifted to a poorly drawn picture of a man holding a decapitated head in front of a crowd of people, a body under him bleeding out over what seemed to be steps.

"Fun." Lance chipped in. "A little too much... blood, if you ask me."

"Good thing we're not asking you." Keith's snarky comment was enough to have Lance whip around to glare at the half-Galra.

"Anyway." Allura coughed out in an attempt to break the tension between the two boys. "We've set our course. We have about 2 varga before we make get there. Lance, you should get in a pod in case we end up having to fight."

Lance's stomach dropped, "I'll be okay. Really, I will!" Lance sighed at Allura's skeptical look. "It's just- I don't want to miss anything like last time. I went into the pod for three hours and totally messed everything up."

Lance thought back to a few months ago when the team had almost completely lost a fight. Lance had been out for a few hours and wasn't there for planning or discussion. He had been released minutes before the plan was put into action and completely ruined the dynamics of the team. Pidge had ended up in a pod for a few days due to Lance's failure to protect her while she was downloading data.

Hunk placed a hand on Lance's good shoulder. "It wasn't your fault. We should've given you some direction other than  _'Stand guard and shoot'_."

Lance squeezed Hunk's hand, thanking him for the reassurance. Still, Lance couldn't help but think that he should have done something to help Pidge. He should have been in the pod and not her.

"You have a point." Allura ran a hand through the silver locks of hair on her head. "I suppose we can land first. After we settle we'll have more time to put you inside of the pod. That way it can fully heal."

Lance looked up at Allura, catching her glowing eyes with his own blue ones. "Thank you, Allura."

"Of course."

"Remember!" Lance's head snapped to the left as Coran danced about the room. "This is a diplomatic mission! Make sure you clean your armor and be on your best behavior." He pulled on his collar. "No knife fights or inappropriate language." He glanced at Pidge and Keith out of the corner of his eyes.

"I don't always get into fights!" Keith lurched forward at the accusation, eyes blown wide.

Coran's face fell into a blank stare, eye's digging into Keith with a doneness only an aged person like Coran could make.

Keith folded his arms, turning away from Coran to look at the floor. "Okay, whatever."


	2. What Goes on Beyond the Words?

 

_I feel like a 6/10_

_I've gotta get up early tomorrow again_

_what goes on behind the words?_

_Is there pitty for the plain girl?_

_-6/10_

_Dodie_

 

* * *

 

 

 

The Ma' Kravera were...odd. Lance couldn't find a better term to explain them.

Lance was taken away by their strange appearance when first introduced. Their small, beady, ink-black eyes reminded Lance of a crow. Despite the lack of a pupil, Lance could always tell where they were staring at by the unnerving feeling of being watched. Small fangs grew from their mouth, sharp pointy edges that bit into their scaly harbor grey lips.

Even the smallest of the Ma' Kravera were larger than Lance. Their muscles far larger and their height towering over him. Even Shiro was tiptoeing around them. Lance found it kinda funny but seeing Shiro on edge didn't sit well with his stomach.

"We could not thank you enough for joining us, Princess." A weak voice spoke out from behind a wall of soldiers. The line split apart, forming a passage for what seemed to be an older Ma' Kravera. He wore a bright red cape that reached the ground, showing off his high status. He was small compared to the others around him, skin withered and wrinkled; every movement seemed to cause him some amount of pain.

He limped his way to the Paladins, tightening his grip on the Ma' Kravera that was guiding him. He tripped once, crying out before being caught by his guide.

Allura stepped forward, Coran moving to stand near her. She bowed, prompting Coran to do the same. "It is our pleasure." She glanced behind her, nodding her head forward to get the Paladins to move towards the elder.

"I am Yalruck, the oldest among the many here." Yalruck moved to bow, getting a quarter way through before falling too far forward and collapsing. His guard knelt down next to the fallen figure, placing a hand on the man's back attempting to help him up to his feet.

Lance ran to Yalruck's side, slinging the elder's arm over his shoulder to help him up. Yalruck was heavy, considering the fact that, even though he's old and barely walking, he was a good foot or two taller than Lance.

Lance stepped away, letting the Ma' Kravera get situated before bowing and joining the rest of the Paladins. He shifted under Yalruck's gaze, flashing a tight grin in the attempts to play off his uneasiness.

Allura cleared her throat, calling the attention back to her. She straightened up, smiled at Yalruck. "I am Princess Allura of Altea. This -" she gestured to where Coran was "is my advisor, Coran."

Coran moved towards Yalruck, bowing deeply before stepping away to where he was before. "Pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

"And these - " Allura gaited to the side, giving the Ma' Kravera a complete view of the soldiers, "are the Paladins of Voltron."

Lance would think that, after so many diplomatic meetings and performances, this would be easier. His heart fluttered and the amount of effort he put into not stuttering never lightened up.

and as their fame grew, so did the weight on his shoulders; the need to be perfect, to not mess up. Despite his extroverted front, he never liked to be large crowds and now here he was, in front of an entire planet.

Lance listened to Allura calling out their names, bowing when his own was called. He smiled, putting a hand across his chest and leaning forward. He straightened his back, placing his hands behind his back.

Formalities continued on for a while, Yalruck taking the time to introduce every council member or anyone of political significance. Lance struggled to keep up, losing interest almost immediately. He was too hyper-focused on their eyes to focus on anything else.

He felt as if everything he did, every small movement, was being cataloged and recorded. Everywhere he went he had the nagging feeling that he was being watched.

Maybe he was being overdramatic, he knew he had a tendency to do that. He was probably just being rude and disrespectful. The Ma' Kravera's had eyes that were almost identical to a bird's, maybe that's why Lance was uneasy; they reminded him of the crows back home.

Lance snapped out of his thoughts as he felt Hunk nudge him. Lance stared at the soldier in front of him, panicking. He'd missed the entire introduction and had no clue who the guy in front of him was or what Lance was meant to be doing.

"All you alright?" The man withdrew his hand, dropping the extended limb to his side. Lance couldn't help but swallow as he watched the grey muscles adorning his shoulders ripple in the movement. This stranger could break him in half easily and Lance's stomach filled with intimidation.

Lance smiled, playing off his feelings by shifted from one leg to the other and placing a hand on his hip. "I'm just fine..." Lance trailed off, mind blanking for a second. He'd messed up. He had spent too much time dozing off that he hadn't caught any of these peoples names.

"Exregal." He bowed, taking Lance's hand into his own. "I do, however, prefer Ex."

Ex tightened his grip on Lance's hand, switching from simply holding his hand to shaking it. Lance's hand cracked in disagreement to the stronghold on him. Lance held in the grimace, choosing instead to smile up at the larger of the two.

"Name's Lance."

"Lance." Shiro paced over to Lance, sensing the Blue Paladin's discomfort. Ex dropped Lance's hand just as Shiro slotted himself beside Lance. "Commander Ex is one of the Ma' Kravera participating in the competition to become the next ruler." Shiro gestured toward Ex, an arm reached out towards the commander but his body still facing Lance. "He'll be escorting us around Ma' Kravera until the day of our departure."

So, basically, Lance was stuck with this man until the trials were over. It would be fine, he'd just have to get used to being followed around by an eight-foot-something, beefy dude whose creepy, clawed hands practically crushed Lance's own with a single handshake. Easy peasy. Nothing to freak out about.

Despite wanting to run, Lance stayed put. He nodded his head in respect, "I appreciate your concern, Commander." He suppressed the shiver that wanted desperately to be released much like Lance at the moment. His body was begging him to ditch the scene, to call it quits, and to hide in the safety of the castle.

Commander Ex bowed slightly before turning around to talk to a lower ranking officer. Shiro took the break as a chance to pull Lance away.

"What are you- Shrio?" Lance grabbed Shiro's wrist, gently pulling it away from his arm. Normally Lance would take comfort in Shiro's cold hands, the contrast welcomed against Lance's own burning ones but Shiro grip was tighter than Lance was comfortable with.

Shiro frowned, placing a hand on Lance's forehead, "Are you okay? You've been out of it all day." Lance only nodded, the nervousness in his chest worsening. Shiro's hand was nice and cold against the heat of Lance's skin.

"I'll be fine." Lance swatted Shiro's hand away from his face. "Besides, we just got here. It wouldn't look good for the team if I disappeared." He smiled tiredly at Shiro, all of his energy going into the simple action.

Shiro's expression didn't change, "Are you sure?" Shiro bit his lip and Lance nodded, wanting to add more before giving up. "All right," Shiro sighed. "But the minute you start to feel worse you find someone and go back to the castle, understood?"

Lance nodded, thanking Shiro for letting him stay. Shiro made his promise, Lance going the extra mile to stick out his pinky. He'd expected Shiro to press more, his constant need to make sure the team was safe and in good health could make Shiro into a mother hen at times, but it was nice to have someone care about him. It also reminded Lance of his own mother, constantly caring for Lance's family, demanding she know everything that could compromise the health and safety of her child.

He waved to Shiro as the other was whisked away by a group of Ma' Kravera, the Black Paladin smiling reluctantly before joining the conversation with the aliens.

Lance released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Despite the many people around him, Lance couldn't help but notice Ex's stare. Maybe, if Lance had felt up to it, he would have claimed that the inhabitant was coming on to him. He might've stuck up a conversation to try and loosen the other up, maybe add in some flirting but Lance couldn't help but have the impression that he was being glared at instead of being observed or checked out.

Even after making eye contact with Ex, the guide never turned away, seemingly entranced with Lance. After a few minutes of uninterrupted glaring, Lance had had enough. He scanned the room, trying to find the one person who he knew wouldn't be playing the part of the party animal.

He spotted Keith leaning on the wall opposite from where Lance was, hiding a few steps behind Hunk and Pidge.

Keith smiled to himself, listening in on Hunk's story. Despite being close enough to the group to hear their conversation, Keith didn't add any input, electing to stay quiet and watch from afar.

Lance walked over to Keith, not once feeling Ex's eyes leave him. He joined his teammate on the wall, sliding down so that he was sitting while Keith continued to stand next to him.

"I knew you'd be a wallflower but I'm pretty sure being a Paladin means you have to talk to people." Lance teased, poking fun at Keith. Lance wasn't surprised at all; sure he'd seen Keith lighten up and actually join in on the party more than once but it happened on such rare occasions that seeing Keith enjoy himself was always something Lance could smile about.

Keith scoffed, picking up on the playful tone hidden in Lance's voice. "No thanks. I'd rather rot and wither." Keith joined Lance on the floor, squatting down before plopping himself down causing the back of his head to hit the wall. He rubbed where his head had made the impact, mumbling at Lance's laugh.

"Jackass." He muttered, punching Lance lightly in the arm. "It's rude to laugh at a hurt man, Lance. It's rude."

Calming down, Lance only shrugged. "Doesn't count if it's you." Lance was barely able to dodge the fist swung at his side.

"Anyway, why'd you come talk to me?"

Lance raised an eyebrow. "Can't I just talk to my friend without reason?"

Keith only answered in silence, crossing his arms and giving Lance a look of disbelief.

Lance groaned, annoyed with Keith and his all too accurate accusation. "I'm honestly not feeling all too hot. Something about these people is making me uneasy and it's making my stomach hurt. I think I'm gonna go back to the castle and lay down or something."

"I can walk you back to the castle if you want." Keith offered his voice light and determined. "It's not safe for you to walk back alone."

Lance smiled shyly. "If you wouldn't mind?" He watched Keith get up, dusting himself off before offering a hand to Lance.

"Not at all." Keith pulled Lance up, grunting under Lance's weight.

"You don't have too. I just promised Shiro that I'd tell someone before leaving. You're not obligated to do it or anything."

"Lance, knowing Shiro he probably meant to find someone to walk you back to the castle. Besides," Keith smiled, "it's the least I can do."

Lance was frozen in place as Keith told Hunk and Pidge of their plans. He could hear Hunk's whine, claiming that it was a shame Lance wasn't feeling well before sending his condolences. Lance snapped out of his head, nodding in thanks and appreciation before following Keith out the door in the direction the castle was.

He glanced over to Ex, not surprised but still startled to see him staring at him. What the hell was so interesting about Lance that Ex had to literally watch his every move?

He waved goodbye to Shiro, the older catching his eye and nodding his head as if to tell him goodnight.

Lance walked out of the castle, past the guards, past the unblinking eyes of Ex, and joined Keith on the pathway to the castle.

-

Lance kicked a rock, watching the small pebble skid it's way in front of him before stopping a few feet away.

They were a good mile or two from the palace where the party was. Lance's arms were folded behind his back, walking side by side with Keith. The castle was in view and Lance felt relief wash over him.

The castle was safe. The castle had security other than a bunch of guards at most exits that probably fell asleep or snuck away. The castle had his room and huge security measures and healing pods and was  _familiar_.

"How're you doing?" Keith nudged Lance with his elbow, pulling Lance out of his relief induced trance.

Lance laughed, shrugging his shoulders in a totally relaxed, nonanxious or uneasy manner. "I'm fine. Completely fine. It's all good. Everything's good." Lance tried smiling at the older Paladin but by the slight tilt of Keith's head he received and the concerned look in his eyes, Lance knew he did a poor job.

"Look," Lance rubbed his arms, the air around him weighed down on him and suddenly he was way too aware of every move Keith made, "I'm fine. Alright? It's just. The Ma' Kravera... they're weird. Like. Really. Really weird." Lance stopped walking, the large doors to the front of the castle was closed and Lance waited for the scanners to pick up on their return.

"Why'd you think that?" Keith stepped through the now opened door, talking over the identity scanner. "I mean, sure, their culture and stuff is a little weird but-"

"That's not it," Lance interrupted. He took a turn left towards the rooms, leading Keith down the blue-lit hallways. "I just.. I don't know. I feel like they're always judging me?" Lance was pathetic. Here he was, talking to Keith when he didn't even know what he was talking about. His feelings were all jumbled up and he didn't even understand half of the words that were coming out of his mouth. "It's like they're assessing me or studying me and honestly, I'm terrified of it."

Being a Paladin of Voltron meant that you go to a lot of diplomatic missions ranging from trials to feasts to festivals. Most of the time their hosts were kind to them, respecting the lion's choices and offered their support immediately.

Other times, they weren't so lucky. Other times the Paladins would be judged because 'how could four younglings and an ex-gladiator possibly beat a tyrant who rules over a large mass of the universe?'

They'd had people be offered to them to replace him, most of the time a village's greatest warrior who the leader insisted was destined to be one of the great Paladins and that the lions had made a mistake on choosing some lowlife humans, more so choosing Lance.

But all those times, they judged Lance as the Blue Paladin.

The Ma' Kravera we're judging Lance as a being, as a  _human_ , and that was terrifying.

Keith didn't say anything. He fell behind Lance by a few steps, concerned with Lance's quickened pace.

Jogging up behind him, Keith placed a hand on Lance's shoulder causing the other to stop.

Lance looked at him expectedly, eyebrows raised and head slightly tilted to the side.

"I..." Keith didn't think this through. He had no idea what to say and he ran himself into a dead end. "Nevermind," He pulled his hand back, letting it drop by his side.

Lance only turned away, his pace back to normal and to a speed that Keith could keep up with without having to jog.

-

Lance looked to the wall beside him, "Whose room?"

Keith stared at him blankly before realizing that he had spaced out. He looked at the two doors in front of him, "Uh, mine?"

"Alrighty," Lance put his hand up against the sensor, frowning when it turned red before slamming his hand up against it again.

"Keith, your door hates me," Lance whined, trying for the fifth time to open Keith's door.

Keith chuckled, pushing Lance aside to open the door himself. He barely put his hand on the scanner before it glowed green and the door slid open. He stepped aside, letting a pouting Lance through. "You're not authorized to open my door, Lance."

"I should be. I'm in here all the time!" Lance complained.

Keith only shrugged, "Maybe one day."

Keith plopped down on the bed, his back sinking into the mattress. Lance stayed by the door, leaning against the frame.

Neither of them spoke, comfortable silence filling the room as the lights dimmed to simulate the night.

Keith almost drifted to sleep before Lance's voice jolted him awake.

"I don't trust them."

Keith internally whined, not this again.

"Lance, you don't have any solid evidence that proves they're untrustworthy."

"Okay, but listen to this, Keith. They don't blink. Have you realized that? And they just... stare at me. All the time. I feel like I'm being convicted of a crime! What if being the blue paladin makes you a criminal?"

Keith sighed, sitting up to make room for Lance. He patted the space beside him, beckoning Lance to join him. "Lance, first of all, you don't know if they're looking at you or not. They don't have pupils. Besides, maybe they don't have to blink."

Lance deflated, exhaling deeply as he sat next to Keith. "I just don't trust these people, Keith. They..." Lance folded his hands in his lap. "They just creep me out."

Keith patted Lance on the back, the fabric of his jacket touch against the leather of his gloves, "Trust me, nothing's gonna happen. We're here for... what? Three more days? I'm sure everyone's on edge right now." Keith rested his hand on Lance's shoulder. "They lost their leader and from what I've heard, she was a good woman... alien?" Keith questioned himself. The alien wasn't exactly human and who knew what their gender identity was or if they even had a gender.

"Yeah, but don't you find it strange that the Galra still haven't attacked yet?" Lance pointed out, shifting his body so that he was completely facing Keith. "It's been three days since their leader was killed and it's been one since we've arrived. I don't feel good about this." Lance held himself together, rubbing gently in his elbows.

Sighing, Keith pulled his hand away. "Maybe they only found out today or maybe they haven't. Maybe they've been waiting for the perfect time to attack. They might still be rallying troops. Who knows? Until then we should enjoy ourselves. We've been out in space for god knows how long. We all deserve a break."

Lance hugged himself, trying to gain comfort from his own arms. "The Galra don't wait, Keith. You know that. They find an opportunity and then they strike. They don't just wait around. If they want something then they go in and take it!" Lance argued, caving in further into himself. "I just feel like... I don't know."

Keith laid down, his head hitting his pillow while his legs were thrown across Lance's thighs. He pressed his legs down a little, using his weight to ground Lance.

"It's just- the planet is literally called Ma' Krav, Keith. They're called Ma' Kravera," Lance stated as if it was supposed to mean something to the other boy.

Keith only stared at Lance, face neutral was he waiting for Lance to explain the connection between the planet's name and their strangeness.

Lance, noticing Keith's expression, only sighed. "It's...nevermind." Lance flopped backward, his outstretched arm narrowly missing Keith's face.

"If it's bothering you that much then ask Shiro about them?" Keith suggested. He lifted his head up to look at the other boy.

Lance stared at the ceiling, arms still stretched out on the bed. His lips firmly pressed against each other in a straight line. His chest rose and fell with every inhale and exhale. He would blink every now and then, his eyes still trained on the metal roof above him.

"I just don't want to trust them, Keith. All they do is stare and judge and it's... it's scaring me, Keith." Lance confessed, refusing to look at his friend next to him.

Keith's heart stuttered upon hearing Lance's revelation. Hearing Lance so open and unguarded was something Keith would never get used to. Lance was always so bright and light spirited that it was easy to forget that he was human... that he, too, felt something besides constant content and happiness. That Lance wasn't a robot and that he could feel sadness and apathy and so many other emotions.

It wasn't often that Keith saw Lance like this; raw and apprehensive, completely honest and trusting. It made Keith uneasy, seeing such a strong pillar in his life look so small and meek. In times like this, Keith wasn't sure what to do. He was always alone and comforting someone wasn't something he was used to. Hell, even Lance comforting Keith left Keith nervous.

He'd been taught his entire life that people do things for their benefit. He'd been taught not to trust people because people will leave you behind without a second thought. After his dad died, Keith was alone and he was content with that. He was okay being alone. Alone meant no one was going to hurt you, and Keith could live without that pain.

But Lance, Lance had taught him that, no matter how nice it was being alone, it was nicer to have someone there. To have someone that was willing to listen to your nonsense or to hold you and tell you it was going to be all right even when it probably wasn't and to Keith... Lance was that someone.

So when Keith sat up on the opposite side of the bed, hair messy and unkempt, and looked down at Lance's blank face, he couldn't help but clutch his heart. "Lance-"

Interrupting Keith, Lance shot up, hopping off of the bed. He waved a hand up, not sparing a glance to the boy still on the bed, "Nevermind. I'll see you tomorrow. Night." And with that, Lance walked out of Keith's room. Leaving Keith alone, the only light in the dark room coming from the soft blue hues illuminating from his bed and around the walls.

"Night..."

-

Lance couldn't sleep. It wasn't that his thoughts were too loud- although they tended to be- or that he was tossing and turning throughout the night, his body was making it impossible to rest.

He could feel the adrenaline coursing through his body. The Ma' Kravera has done a number in him. It was like watching a horror movie just before bed, the feeling of sticking his head under the covers for fear of someone watching him overwhelmed him.

The talk with Keith didn't help much. Don't get him wrong, it was nice to talk to Keith and get his thoughts out but... he shouldn't have put all of his weight on Keith. He shouldn't have told him about the Ma' Kravera always staring at him or his skepticism around the lack of Galra activity.

Now Keith was going to be concerned for Lance and he didn't deserve that. He shouldn't have to worry about Lance yet Lance knew this and still walked into Keith's room to talk about his "concerns."

Lance groaned, rubbing his hands over his face and dragging them back into his hair. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling just above his bed.

Stupid. That was the only word to describe Lance's actions tonight.

He had already dragged Keith from the party which he seemed to have been enjoying, and then proceeded to confess his unease to his 'Rival.'

Lance reached back to grab a pillow, pulling it out from under him. He quickly covered his face using the soft object before screaming quietly into it.

Moving the pillow from his face, Lance gasped. His heart pounded in his chest from the length of the scream, the lack of oxygen in his lungs making his pulse seem even stronger than it was.

The ringing in his ears stopped long after his heartbeat calmed down. Whether the ringing was from suffocating himself under the pillow or from the quiet of his room was unknown to him.

His mind twisted every small creek and settling noise the castle made into sounds of an attacker sneaking into his room, ready to kill Lance before he could warn the rest of his team.

He turned over onto his side, tearing his eyes away from the metal overhang. He pressed his back against the wall so that he was facing the door.

Lance didn't sleep well that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic is apart of the Langst Palooza, therefore will be updated when the event calls for it. More information on the Langst Palooza can be found here: https://langstpalooza.tumblr.com/
> 
> This fanfic was inspired by a prompt based off of Tumblr user @Hardlynotever 's artwork here: https://hardlynotnever.tumblr.com/image/171973436190
> 
> The work's title is from drowning. by The Eden Project
> 
> Thank you Tumblr user @hanona2002 for sending me this prompt.
> 
> This work can be found on Tumblr on @why-not-langst-haha-kill-me and on Wattpad under @Ky_Sea_Blue
> 
> If found under a different name: It is not me. Please report the offending work and/or send me a link in the comments or on my Tumblr and I will deal with it myself. 
> 
> Read more works at @why_not_langst_haha_kill_me or @drowning_in_langst
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is apart of the Langst Palooza, therefore will be updated when the event calls for it. More information on the Langst Palooza can be found here: https://langstpalooza.tumblr.com/
> 
> This fanfic was inspired by a prompt based off of Tumblr user @Hardlynotever 's artwork here: https://hardlynotnever.tumblr.com/image/171973436190
> 
> The work's title is from drowning. by The Eden Project
> 
> Thank you Tumblr user @hanona2002 for sending me this prompt.
> 
> This work can be found on Tumblr on @why-not-langst-haha-kill-me and on Wattpad under @Ky_Sea_Blue
> 
> If found under a different name, it is not me. Please report it or comment a link to the offending work.
> 
> Read more works at @why_not_langst_haha_kill_me or @drowning_in_langst
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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